So I just had the most terrible dream. I was driving along, not knowing where I was going. I was on the phone and I remember having my windows down, it had to be summer. Sounds great this time of year doesn't it? As I was driving along, I instantly sensed something was wrong, I was driving in what seemed to be the grass of an exit or entrance ramp. The grass was so tall and I couldn't see, I was out of control before I knew it. My car started flipping, turning, rolling at a 55mph tear of violence. My body was nothing but a rag-doll it seemed. Tossing about as if the inside of the car were a blender and my body was the ice, it was awful. When the accident finally stopped, I believe I fell out of the window as the car laid to rest on its' side. A gentleman rushed to my assistance. Minutes later I was standing, but barely. My knees were so far screwed up that I couldn't walk normally on them anymore. I called my mom and couldn't remember if I had told her that I got in an accident, so I kept telling her, "Mom, I got into an accident," and "Mom, did I tell you got into an accident?" She kept acknowledging me but I just kept telling her.
Then I woke up. My heart was racing.
At the end of this strange dream, I just had the urge to write this blog, so it has to be important in some way. Here we go:
All one's life, you are constantly tested, whether it be physically taking a test, mentally being challenged, or even socially. You're tested and tested and tested until school is over. This is how we measure our progress. Am I performing up to "the standard"? What can we do to improve? What must be done now? Is there any extra credit? I think we are so trained to think that we need to be tested to measure self-worth; that we can't "open our eyes", look back, and see there has been progress (without an actual exam).
Again, I don't know why, but this just seems important.
If anyone gets to the point where they feel they are incomplete, inadequate, or even lost that there is no test in the near future, don't think you're a failure because there is no physical test. It may seem scary to one who has never really opened their eyes to look back. One may need that tangible result to feel that something must be done when really all they have to do is look in the mirror. Self-worth is all too important to worry about what others think, what we've been trained to think. Tested over and over again to live up to others' standards. This is not an accurate scale for self-worth. You can only measure your self-worth by taking a long hard look at everything you have experienced and, if you're reading this, have gotten through, or have succeeded in accomplishing. No matter what others' standards may be, you have succeeded in some way or many ways, embrace this feeling, not too many people do.
So take a seat, grab your pencil, and flip open your booklets. How are you going to score on this test?
